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Aug. 2nd, 2010 | 02:19 am
mood: stressed stressed
music: WoW- Do you wanna date my avatar?

I turn 25 in five days. I'm not sure how I'm feeling right now. I have a new boyfriend and he's nice.. and very fun. and he thinks the world of me.. But, I guess I'm still getting used to it. I'm kinda worried that maybe it was too soon for me. I am a slow healer. My heart isn't the sturdy thing it once was. I'm trying though. For every kindness he gives me, I'm trying to match it. And, he does understand. I have told him why I'm having trouble opening up and he's told me, however much time I need he'll accept. It's pretty nice having someone say, "It's ok. Go as slow as you need to. I'll still be here."

I've never had that before. Or if I had, I didn't realize it, so I was always pushing myself. I can't blame everything on the other people.. I did alot of the damage myself. I know this now. My parents came to my house on my sister's birthday a few days ago at eight in the morning. They screamed at me that I wasn't making my car payments and how could I still be in bed and finally they left. Well, I freaked out because I thought that I had slept through my alarm which was set for nine. When I looked at the clock and realized it wasn't even nine, I got really upset. I didn't get to sleep until five am. My parents know I sleep in the early morning hours. I've always been this way. Going to school was a helluva chore for me. So, yeah.. panic attack over, I get online and start filling out some applications after taking a shower. At ten oclock, they show back up and start screaming at me that I'm not making my car payments and how they're going to take it from me. I endure as much as I can before I lose my cool. I yell at them that I do make my car payments, that I make them on time and that I maintain my car. They have never made a payment for me. Not one dollar of the thirteen thousand I've paid for it.

I tell them if they take the car, I will sue them as I have kept every single money order receipt I have ever bought to make my payments. They keep screaming and eventually my stepfather says, "You're nothing but a goddamn liar." I couldn't take it anymore. My therapist told me, if I need to get away from them, then I really need to. Immediately. So, I ask them to please leave. They say, "What?" I say, "Please, leave. You are bad for my health, entirely unreasonable, and you will never believe anything I say because I lied to you when I was eight years old. I was a child. I can't go back and fix it, but you can't seem to get past it. So, please. Get out of my house. Now." Well, my mom starts crying but they do leave. I fill out some more applications, then drive to the store to get my paycheck, pay my car payment (lol), buy my sister's card and present and make a deposit in the bank. I tell my sister everything that's happened and she just shakes her head. Not the first time.

And, I still haven't gotten my skirt from Gloomth. I'm giving them a few days, then I'm going to call. If they still won't work with me, I'm going to the better business bureau. I almost did it tonight, but I'm trying to be the better person. I ordered some socks today as a bday present for myself. It'll cheer me up. So, yay! And, Rasputina on the 7th!!!!!

I can't wait for the concert. I love you all and be loved because you are!!

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Comments {1}

From: vufuumbo
Date: Apr. 14th, 2011 04:59 pm (UTC)

Great post! I wish you could follow up on this topic!

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